window
above
building
obscured
shiny
distorted
forever
suppressed
limitless
spiral
down
spiral
up
faces
faces
faces
30.9.05
27.9.05
The Trauma of Love
Did we know what fun times with strange castlemates were were to have?
A year ago did we have any idea of Luke's amazing dance skills?
Did we know that some crazy German named David would become our Papa? [J, had you named him yet?]
Such great things were to come that we now have the pleasure of calling to mind at our moments of great homesickness.
Meeting up with Capernwray family at home is so strange and wonderful because it's taking something extrodinary and unexpectedly amazing and slamming it in on ordinary life. Sidenote: From what I've learned this week that's called trauma. Supposedly it's not good because it imposes on one's daily life in such a way that one is incapable of living as before. One is transported back to the particular occurence with vivid clarity of the senses.
Doesn't sound too bad to me.
The sight of Luke takes me back to Under The Stairs: the icy chill, freezing you for the rest of the day when the front door is left open once again. The excitement of something in the M box - is it for me? The sme
ll of the main hall's slightly damp carpet. The warmth and comfort of "the cuddle huddle" with Kaylie and J.
Seeing Papa again takes me back to my first dinning room, Dinning Room 3: the sound of half the
Zoo, led by Zach, greeting Papa entirely too loudly for 7:45, the weird moldy smell, the importance of being near the radiator, the acceptance of getting a hug from Caleb.
None of us will ever be the same.
Good trauma.
A year ago did we have any idea of Luke's amazing dance skills?
Did we know that some crazy German named David would become our Papa? [J, had you named him yet?]
Such great things were to come that we now have the pleasure of calling to mind at our moments of great homesickness.
Meeting up with Capernwray family at home is so strange and wonderful because it's taking something extrodinary and unexpectedly amazing and slamming it in on ordinary life. Sidenote: From what I've learned this week that's called trauma. Supposedly it's not good because it imposes on one's daily life in such a way that one is incapable of living as before. One is transported back to the particular occurence with vivid clarity of the senses.
Doesn't sound too bad to me.
The sight of Luke takes me back to Under The Stairs: the icy chill, freezing you for the rest of the day when the front door is left open once again. The excitement of something in the M box - is it for me? The sme
ll of the main hall's slightly damp carpet. The warmth and comfort of "the cuddle huddle" with Kaylie and J.
Seeing Papa again takes me back to my first dinning room, Dinning Room 3: the sound of half the
Zoo, led by Zach, greeting Papa entirely too loudly for 7:45, the weird moldy smell, the importance of being near the radiator, the acceptance of getting a hug from Caleb.
None of us will ever be the same.Good trauma.
26.9.05
Teacher Quotes
What a first day.
On Assigned Readings:
"You can read 'em at your leisure. Or not at all."
"Eat your book like lunch."
On Art:
"We went from po-mo to retro and I don't even know how the [blog author's edit] we got there."
"The 1970's was the best movie decade." [this one statement decided for me that I like my arthist prof]
On Relationships:
"The big test of marriage is: can they handle a museum without feeling like they're in a foreign country?"
"Women are not going to rise up against their station if they're medicated." [this out of context]
On Assigned Readings:
"You can read 'em at your leisure. Or not at all."
"Eat your book like lunch."
On Art:
"We went from po-mo to retro and I don't even know how the [blog author's edit] we got there."
"The 1970's was the best movie decade." [this one statement decided for me that I like my arthist prof]
On Relationships:
"The big test of marriage is: can they handle a museum without feeling like they're in a foreign country?"
"Women are not going to rise up against their station if they're medicated." [this out of context]
A Working Girl... Student
At long last, my occupational interval of doing nothing financially improving has ended: I am a nanny again. And all thanks go to God, who worked this out for me. The date of orientation is not yet set, but I am to be receiving a call soon.
Got the job thing down, got the school thing down... well, maybe. Attended 3 out of 4 classes, bought 2 out of about 15 books. But it's all a work in progress, hey? I hope my brain is, too... I really need to brush up on the concepts, inquisitiveness and opinions that I thought I had more of.
Got the job thing down, got the school thing down... well, maybe. Attended 3 out of 4 classes, bought 2 out of about 15 books. But it's all a work in progress, hey? I hope my brain is, too... I really need to brush up on the concepts, inquisitiveness and opinions that I thought I had more of.
22.9.05
20.9.05
One Year: a Tangent on Friendship
One year ago today I left for London.
Uncertain of how I would handle being away, I cried quite pathetically all the way to Chicago. Got that out of the way and spent my flight to Heathrow becoming more and more excited.
I was scared of the unknown that awaited me. I was scared I would hate it. More than that, I was scared that it would be a waste, or that I would learn nothing. Scared that I wouldn't make friends.
Here I sit, one year later, a smile on my face matching the smile in my soul, having a perfect certainty that the last year was not a waste. (Nor did I hate it.)
As for the friends part, well, that goes with out saying, doesn't it?
The first half of WinterSchool was full up with every form of teaching (lectures, OT reading, friends) pointing me to a better understanding of Jesus as my friend. All others aside, this closeness, this new found friend was worth going all the way to an isolated sheep field in the North of England for. Then of course every person I met along the way aided in raising my view of friendship - from the sweet, South African girl I met my first day in London who helped me when I was lost, to the outgoing lonely people in hostels, to my beautiful roommates and 'family', to the wonderful boy from South Carolina whom I love, to the folk on staff and sitting in the lecture hall with me day in and day out.
In a method of self-defense I had decided before going that it didn't matter if I didn't make amazing friends. And you know, I had fun by myself when I first arrived - that week a whole year ago. It was all exciting and fun and new (old, I guess, actually) and different... but none of it would have actually changed my life in the way it did with out the people. I remember Andy Vanderlaan on our first saturday trip (to the Lake District) walking along side me and telling me how much more he got out of his conversations and friends at Bible school than from the teaching. (And then trying to back track and explain the importance of attending lectures - what with being the RA and all.) Smart guy, Andy. I did learn so much in lectures, but it's also good to be told by a staff person that it's okay to come to Bible school and socialize.
So here I am, one year later, looking forward to secular university, trying to remind myself that it's okay to socialize in an intellectual setting, and that the people I meet deserve as wonderful of friendships as I've experienced this year.
Uncertain of how I would handle being away, I cried quite pathetically all the way to Chicago. Got that out of the way and spent my flight to Heathrow becoming more and more excited.
I was scared of the unknown that awaited me. I was scared I would hate it. More than that, I was scared that it would be a waste, or that I would learn nothing. Scared that I wouldn't make friends.
Here I sit, one year later, a smile on my face matching the smile in my soul, having a perfect certainty that the last year was not a waste. (Nor did I hate it.)
As for the friends part, well, that goes with out saying, doesn't it?
The first half of WinterSchool was full up with every form of teaching (lectures, OT reading, friends) pointing me to a better understanding of Jesus as my friend. All others aside, this closeness, this new found friend was worth going all the way to an isolated sheep field in the North of England for. Then of course every person I met along the way aided in raising my view of friendship - from the sweet, South African girl I met my first day in London who helped me when I was lost, to the outgoing lonely people in hostels, to my beautiful roommates and 'family', to the wonderful boy from South Carolina whom I love, to the folk on staff and sitting in the lecture hall with me day in and day out.
In a method of self-defense I had decided before going that it didn't matter if I didn't make amazing friends. And you know, I had fun by myself when I first arrived - that week a whole year ago. It was all exciting and fun and new (old, I guess, actually) and different... but none of it would have actually changed my life in the way it did with out the people. I remember Andy Vanderlaan on our first saturday trip (to the Lake District) walking along side me and telling me how much more he got out of his conversations and friends at Bible school than from the teaching. (And then trying to back track and explain the importance of attending lectures - what with being the RA and all.) Smart guy, Andy. I did learn so much in lectures, but it's also good to be told by a staff person that it's okay to come to Bible school and socialize.
So here I am, one year later, looking forward to secular university, trying to remind myself that it's okay to socialize in an intellectual setting, and that the people I meet deserve as wonderful of friendships as I've experienced this year.
You Know You Need a Shower When...
...an almost complete stranger excitedly asks you if you are dreading your hair and then proceeds to spend the rest of the conversation playing with said parts of hair.
At least I wasn't a health hazard like Mr. Ponytail-Baggypants-Needstoshave.
At least I wasn't a health hazard like Mr. Ponytail-Baggypants-Needstoshave.
19.9.05
Since You Asked
Here is a very bad quality picture of the charcoal drawings I did for my sister.
(There isn't really any good place to take a picture of something in my house, I didn't want to use flash, and I'm lazy.)
Eiffel Tower, Leaning Tower and Big Ben clock tower.
16.9.05
Proof That I Do Other Things [besides blogging]
Drawing...
Climbing...
Dinner...
Alas, I have no pictures of this great yumminess....
Climbing...
Dinner...
Alas, I have no pictures of this great yumminess....
She Makes Me Happy
Ahh... I'm looking back through pictures from the fabulous places I've been, hardly believing I was there. Here and there I pull a few out to draw, or tell myself I will draw. I keep coming across pictures of Miss Courtnay Smith. She makes me smile, so I thought I'd post a few pics of her to make you smile, too.
Maybe I Should Learn Chinese
Last night I was looking through Tracy's roommate's Art History book and, while reading the title and museum that houses a particular work of art, I discovered one of my favorite things to say.
Beijing.
Say it out loud. Right now just do it. Ah hahahha!
I just sat there and said it for probably 30 seconds. I really don't even remember what the piece was, or why I was reading it out loud, but it was fun.
And maybe now I should go to bed.
Beijing.
Say it out loud. Right now just do it. Ah hahahha!
I just sat there and said it for probably 30 seconds. I really don't even remember what the piece was, or why I was reading it out loud, but it was fun.
And maybe now I should go to bed.
14.9.05
Things that Make Me Happy
[Sort of like "Things that Piss me off" only better]
-Beautiful red fall leaves.
Indicators that snow is on the way.
-Tender purple guitar fingers.
It means worship through song all day long.
-Those hilarious letter combinations for benefit of bloggerites everywhere who hate spam.
Is it weird that they make my day?
-Being in PJ's after noon.
This is becoming a trend. Not a bad one, I don't think...
-Making an appointment with Dr. Crandell.
I defy you, back pain!
-Pineapple juice.
Alas, not in liters, like I drank in Europe, but in smoothie form, which works when in Portland.
-For spell check that wants to change "bloggerites" to "flowcharting".
How. What. Why. It reminds me somehow of Kim Lee and people's sketch yearbook quotes.
-Beautiful red fall leaves.
Indicators that snow is on the way.
-Tender purple guitar fingers.
It means worship through song all day long.
-Those hilarious letter combinations for benefit of bloggerites everywhere who hate spam.
Is it weird that they make my day?
-Being in PJ's after noon.
This is becoming a trend. Not a bad one, I don't think...
-Making an appointment with Dr. Crandell.
I defy you, back pain!
-Pineapple juice.
Alas, not in liters, like I drank in Europe, but in smoothie form, which works when in Portland.
-For spell check that wants to change "bloggerites" to "flowcharting".
How. What. Why. It reminds me somehow of Kim Lee and people's sketch yearbook quotes.
12.9.05
Today's Headlines in the Allison Times
-Mt Hood Covered in Snow
A beautiful white dusting of the stuff has covered it peak to foothills. In September! I know!
-The Secret Society Expands
In an unlikely place: the Portland Rock Gym. Crystal Humble, 2 years at RavenCrest (plus 5 years on staff), dated Ben Thomas. Cami Potter, brother Brent Potter attended Capernwray and T-hof with me, also knows people from my church and from Multnomah and Janice Rae. So crazy.
-Girl Cheats Unnecessarily while Climbing a 5.8
Rosie, I can't climb without you.
-Dehydrated Muscles Pump after One Rout
So I tried an over-hung 5.9 that I should have been able to do, and found, when I finally quit and descended onto the blue carpeted floor, that my forearms were totally pumped.
-Girls Excited over Long-distance Calls
It being Pamela's birthday and all, and me having a boyfriend in South Carolina, we had a lot of those today.
A beautiful white dusting of the stuff has covered it peak to foothills. In September! I know!
-The Secret Society Expands
In an unlikely place: the Portland Rock Gym. Crystal Humble, 2 years at RavenCrest (plus 5 years on staff), dated Ben Thomas. Cami Potter, brother Brent Potter attended Capernwray and T-hof with me, also knows people from my church and from Multnomah and Janice Rae. So crazy.
-Girl Cheats Unnecessarily while Climbing a 5.8
Rosie, I can't climb without you.
-Dehydrated Muscles Pump after One Rout
So I tried an over-hung 5.9 that I should have been able to do, and found, when I finally quit and descended onto the blue carpeted floor, that my forearms were totally pumped.
-Girls Excited over Long-distance Calls
It being Pamela's birthday and all, and me having a boyfriend in South Carolina, we had a lot of those today.
9.9.05
Memo: Post for all my ex-coworkers + Rose
After my return from fruit-starved Europe, I recalled my love of smoothies. Pretty much I lost my creativity (and my Bibo menu memory) and have only made one kind since I got home. Sort of a Sussex (Point and say "that one, with the strawberries and banana." Really. Is it So hard to say. Sooo-sex? NO. Come on people.) sub strawberries for blueberries.
But today, I had a moment of enlightenment.
Who remembers the Thailand? Who remembers that I was practically the only one who liked it? Haha.
Yeah, so I was sitting there thinking about how stupid it was that I had 2 bananas and about 10 blueberries. I thought about it after I had made the drink and then sat, lamenting the fact that I should have made a Mobile or a Panama City, even. Then... then I remembered how Kisha hooked me on the Thailand. That would be good with some blueberries.
So now I have a sort of hybrid Charlotte-Thailand.
Soooo yummy for my tummy.
But today, I had a moment of enlightenment.
Who remembers the Thailand? Who remembers that I was practically the only one who liked it? Haha.
Yeah, so I was sitting there thinking about how stupid it was that I had 2 bananas and about 10 blueberries. I thought about it after I had made the drink and then sat, lamenting the fact that I should have made a Mobile or a Panama City, even. Then... then I remembered how Kisha hooked me on the Thailand. That would be good with some blueberries.
So now I have a sort of hybrid Charlotte-Thailand.
Soooo yummy for my tummy.
7.9.05
Window Gnomes
I just found this picture in my pictures from the Winter School York trip.Had to post it.
Gnomes are so cool.
[I believe that's lil' Kim's finger.]
Contending with Mediocrity
As I drove down Fremont on my way home, in the usual evening crawl, I stared half unseeingly at the populous around me. Some in their cars, some leaning on bus stops, some on bikes, some walking, slowly gaining on their destinations. They looked bored and tired in the wind, complexions dulled by the dry, lusterless palette of the almost autumn. I felt the same. I started to dismay at the thought that this is what I was made for, and this was all there will ever be - sitting in a car, watching the light change from red to green, no yellow in between. I shook myself and the moment past. I then began the inner dispute that has more than once held court in my mind, the one that wonders whether or not God will want me to be one of those people who is called to stay in the same place, doing the same thing, driving the same streets their whole life. Could I love it? Could I live it passionately? Could I live it visibly defined by love? I don't know how it could bring Him glory, but I can't see but through a distorted glass - like a foggy, textured window in a bathroom - not the way He sees it.
And that's okay.
There really is more than I see.
(Thank goodness)
"God is saying 'freedom to dance, freedom to sing, freedom to go'. Worship now, worship now - Worship your God. Freedom in liberty."
Gideon (Valley/Victory) by Jason Upton
And that's okay.
There really is more than I see.
(Thank goodness)
"God is saying 'freedom to dance, freedom to sing, freedom to go'. Worship now, worship now - Worship your God. Freedom in liberty."
Gideon (Valley/Victory) by Jason Upton
6.9.05
Oh What's in a Name
Main Entry:
endeavor
Part of Speech:
noun
Definition:
attempt
Synonyms:
aim, all out, best shot, crack, crash project, dry run, effort, enterprise, essay, exertion, fling, full blast, full steam, go, header, labor, lick, one's all, push, shot, stab, striving, struggle, toil, travail, trial, try, try on, undertaking, venture, whack, whirl, work
Main Entry:
extemporize
Part of Speech:
verb
Definition:
improvise
Synonyms:
ad-lib, dash out, devise, do offhand, improvisate, invent, knock off, make up, toss off.
I think that about explains it.
endeavor
Part of Speech:
noun
Definition:
attempt
Synonyms:
aim, all out, best shot, crack, crash project, dry run, effort, enterprise, essay, exertion, fling, full blast, full steam, go, header, labor, lick, one's all, push, shot, stab, striving, struggle, toil, travail, trial, try, try on, undertaking, venture, whack, whirl, work
Main Entry:
extemporize
Part of Speech:
verb
Definition:
improvise
Synonyms:
ad-lib, dash out, devise, do offhand, improvisate, invent, knock off, make up, toss off.
I think that about explains it.
5.9.05
Oh the Spedious Passage of Time
It has been a year, ladies and gentlemen. It has been a year.
We ought to have a moment of silence - it is a birthday here.
And, as we are all quite able to conclude from the generous quanities of evidence, the Blank Page as it was, is no longer so. Not by any means. So, as a new year is unleashed upon us, there is a host of new opportunities for versified details of life to emerge, but certainly not on any sort of Blank Page.
This will be addressed as promptly as possible.
We ought to have a moment of silence - it is a birthday here.
And, as we are all quite able to conclude from the generous quanities of evidence, the Blank Page as it was, is no longer so. Not by any means. So, as a new year is unleashed upon us, there is a host of new opportunities for versified details of life to emerge, but certainly not on any sort of Blank Page.
This will be addressed as promptly as possible.
3.9.05
Night Time
I feel like I should post.
Not sure why. Probably in honor of Janice's now neglected blog that once was so frequently posted upon.
But it is most certainly bed time, and I am a noodle of limpness, lying flat out on my bed with Stuart on my lap. (What would this lazy person do with out a computer that can be used in bed rather than at a desk?)
I need to go to bed and to try to sleep as long as I can because there always seems to be something sneakily trying to steal my sleep; dreams, twisted sheets, too warm/too cold, alarm wake ups, neighbor's cars blasting music.
Is that Josh Vaisanen's guitar I hear, melodious in my happy ears? Ahhhh... tragic that it is only a cd and not his talented canadianess down the stairs, past the bathroom and across the hall from me.
But it is something I can fall asleep happy to.
Not sure why. Probably in honor of Janice's now neglected blog that once was so frequently posted upon.
But it is most certainly bed time, and I am a noodle of limpness, lying flat out on my bed with Stuart on my lap. (What would this lazy person do with out a computer that can be used in bed rather than at a desk?)
I need to go to bed and to try to sleep as long as I can because there always seems to be something sneakily trying to steal my sleep; dreams, twisted sheets, too warm/too cold, alarm wake ups, neighbor's cars blasting music.
Is that Josh Vaisanen's guitar I hear, melodious in my happy ears? Ahhhh... tragic that it is only a cd and not his talented canadianess down the stairs, past the bathroom and across the hall from me.
But it is something I can fall asleep happy to.
2.9.05
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